Dare 4: Love is Thoughtful

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself.  Each of you should look out not only for your own interests, but also for the interests of others.  - Philippians 2:3-4

Dare 4: Love is Thoughtful 

I don't know the depth of a lot of my students' stories, and I probably never will.  But I do know that many of them do not go home to loving and thoughtful homes.  (I also know that many of them do--I don't want to discredit those parents that are obviously doing their best for their children.)  

Sometimes it is overwhelming to think that perhaps no one has ever prayed for some of these students.  No one has ever taken time out of their day to do something thoughtful for them.  It is written all over their faces when they come to you with story after story, longing for you to listen.  Or when they sit so reserved in your classroom and never open up to anyone.  Everyone longs to be loved... and everyone longs to be thought of...

It is not a coincidence that being thoughtful comes after not being selfish.  If you are stuck in your selfish patterns throughout the day, you can pretty much bet you aren't doing anything thoughtful for your students either. Thoughtfulness is selflessness put into action.  

This Week's Dare

The idea this week... along with being patient, kind, and selfless... is to really show your students that you care for them.  What does that look like?  Maybe it is standing at your door when they come into your classroom and saying hello.  Maybe its taking a few minutes out of class to ask a student how they are doing--with no other agenda than to really know how they are doing.  Maybe it is evaluating what you could do for your students (as a whole or individually) that would make their lives a little bit easier.   Or maybe you will take a more private route this week and decide to pray for your students individually--truly interceding on their behalf--and asking the Lord to reveal Himself to them and bless them.  


Please share ways you have discovered to practice being thoughtful with your students.  I hope you all have a wonderful week.  Praying for you and your kiddos.  

Kendrick, S, & Kendrick, A. (2008). The Love Dare. Nashville: B & H Publishing Group.  

Side note:  I hope that if you are truly participating in the love dare each week, that you are not only acting these out in your classrooms.  While I am focusing only on our students and how we can love them--they are not (or probably should not be) the most important things in our lives.  Your relationship with the Lord and your family should always come first.  Your thoughts should never be so consumed with loving your students that you forget to love your spouse or your own kids.  I know that sounds like a "duh!" comment, but I also know that it is incredibly easy to be consumed by work and all the baggage it can load on you.  So if you have a rough day at school practicing patience, that doesn't mean its okay to come home and throw it all to the wayside because it is hard.  We aren't just called to love our students... we are called to love.  In general.  Everyone.  All the time.  

Every part of our lives is a reflection of the Gospel inside us... what does your reflection look like?  

Dare 3: Love is not Selfish

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor.  Romans 12: 10 

Dare 3: Love is not Selfish 

"We live in a world that is enamored with 'self.'. . . If there were ever a word that basically means the opposite of love, it is selfishness."  

We are selfish from birth--it is part of our sin nature.  Think about it, no one ever teaches a child to be selfish--but they are very selfish beings.  Most sinful actions can be traced back to selfishness.  "It is a trait we hate in other people, but justify in ourselves."  

This is a hard idea to wrap my mind around when relating to our students.  I should not be selfish around my students, but I am the teacher... and what I say, goes :).   Here's where it got me though..."The bottom line is you either make decisions out of love for others or love for yourself."  

Often times, I make decisions in my classroom in how to respond to my students out of love for myself... not for them.  Or, I make decisions on what goes on in my classroom in order to make it easier on myself, and not necessarily whats best for the kids.  

Here's the questions the book says to ask yourself...(modified of course)
- Do I truly want what's best for my students?
- Do I want them to feel loved by me?  
- Do they believe I have their best interest in mind?  
- Do they see me as looking out for myself first?  

"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves."  --Philippians 2:3 

This Week's Dare

It is hard to care for something that you are not investing in.  Look for ways you can invest in your kids.  Maybe it is listening to a kid's stories when you'd rather be grading... buying a kid a new binder because his is broken... surprising your kids with a bonus of some sort... Or simply letting them know you're thinking of them....
And of course, continue working on patience and kindness. 

Please share ways you are practicing patience, kindness, and selflessness with your kiddos... I would love to know how everyone else is living it out in their classrooms.  
 

Kendrick, S, & Kendrick, A. (2008). The Love Dare. Nashville: B & H Publishing Group.  

Dare 2: Love is Kind

"She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue"

Proverbs 31:26

Dare 2: Love is Kind 

Practicing patience helps to avoid negative situations, whereas practicing kindness helps creates positive situations. 

"Love makes you kind.  And kindness makes you likable. When you're kind, people want to be around you.  They see you as being good to them and good for them."  

"Do not let kindness and truth leave you;  bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.  So you will find favor and repute in the eyes of God and man."   Proverbs 3:3-4

So, what does it mean to practice kindness on our kiddos?  The book has broken the term into four separate ideas.  

1.  Gentleness.  First let's think about what gentleness is not... It is not harsh, bitter, argumentative, careless, impatient :), irritable, insensitive, and maybe this is important for some to hear: gentleness is not weakness.  In fact, The Full Life Study Bible defines gentleness as restraint coupled with strength and courage.  I think gentleness with our students simply means being careful how we treat them (even the roughest piece of sandpaper in your class!).  When we have to discipline our students, gentleness means making the discipline as easy to hear as possible.  I really liked my friends idea of having an "Australia"
 corner in her classroom--where she sends a student to chill out and have a second to think about what's happening before any discipline occurs.  

2.  Helpfulness. The idea of being helpful is to meet the needs of the moment. I don't know about the rest of you, but I feel like one of my most constant battles with my students is organization.  Man, those kids are unorganized!    I think often times what many of my students need more than anything is some help getting organized.  It is a frustrating process for me because I feel as though I spell out daily what to do to keep their binders, folders, and notebooks organized, and they still come to me looking like a mess!  This week I will practice being helpful in getting their worlds put together.  Instead of just telling them what needs to be done, I will sit down with them and work to put everything back together where it needs to be.  

3.  Willingness.   I had kind of a hard time figuring out what it meant to be willing with our students.  But I think that the biggest way we can practice willingness is to have the willingness to listen.  We need to listen to their joys and sorrows, to their explanations of wrongs, and maybe sometimes even to their excuses.  So often I jump on an excuse and don't really hear the student out.  I wonder how often I've squashed a perfectly acceptable explanation by saying "Excuses are like armpits...everyone has them, and they all stink!"  

4.  Initiative.   "Take the bull by the horns."  I have a student whom I have become particularly fond of.  He may be one of the most negative souls I have ever met, but he is funny as all get out!  I have begun to make it a point to smile at him and tell him to have a good day everyday--before he can tell me what a horrible day it's going to be.  Taking initiative means we greet our kids first, smile fist, serve first and forgive first.  

Jesus gave us a perfect picture of kindness in the story of the Good Samaritan.  A Jewish man is attacked by robbers and left for dead on the side of the road.  Two religious leaders pass by and do not stop--too good for such a lowly man.  But another man, a Samaritan--who culturally does not get along with Jews (understatement)--stops and takes care of all of the man's needs.  This act of kindness brought two enemies together.  

Do you have a student that has been labeled as a "bad kid" by the school system?  Or maybe a student that is hardly tolerable? Maybe we should attempt to do something kind for those students first. Kill 'em with kindness.  

"Love determines to show thoughtful actions, even when there is no reward.  You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness."  

This Week's Dare

In addition to saying nothing negative (patience) to your students this week,  do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.  

Try to reach as many students as possible.  And remember, as with patience, kindness and gentleness are fruits of the Spirit.  If you've already got the Spirit inside of you, tap into the gifts He's given.  :) 

Praying you have a blessed week.  

Kendrick, S, & Kendrick, A. (2008). The Love Dare. Nashville: B & H Publishing Group.  

Dare 1: Love is Patient

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:13

Dare 1: Love is Patient

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient bearing with one another in love.  

Ephesians 4:2

Everyone, whether they like to admit it or not, has a deep rooted desire for love.  Love changes things.  It always does what is best for others and empowers us to face our greatest problems.  Love makes relationships meaningful.  Love makes life meaningful. 

So many of our students have not been offered love—and perhaps some of you haven’t either.  A very wise man told me once that when you are longing for something, the easiest way to receive that something is to give it.  So our goal for this year is to give love.   I know God will show up in BIG ways when we follow His commandment to love.  Our students will be blessed… and we will be blessed. 

“Love is built on two pillars that best define what it is.  Those pillars are patience and kindness.   All other characteristics of love are extensions of these two attributes.  And that’s where your dare will begin.  With patience.” 

Part of me wants to run away screaming at the thought of practicing PATIENCE with some of my students!  I hear myself saying, “It’s just not possible!  This kid is so __________.” Feel free to fill in your own blank there—I’m sure we all have a few of those wonderful kiddos.  I’ve adopted the term “sandpaper kids” to refer to those not-so-easy-to-love students.  They are smoothing out my imperfections through a very uncomfortable process. 

Loving those students will inspire you to be a more patient teacher.  You will begin to respond to negative situations in positive ways.  It will provide a calm in the midst of the storm our classrooms can sometimes become.  Perhaps you will even find ways to extend mercy (not giving something that they deserve; a disposition to be kind and forgiving)  to your students. 

Reacting out of anger will never make a situation better.  You may win in the moment, but what have you done to that child?  Anger typically will stir up new issues, while patience will put a stop to them.  “It is a choice to control your emotions rather than allowing your emotions to control you, and shows discretion instead of returning evil for evil.” 

“Patience stands in the doorway where anger is clawing to burst in, but waits to see the whole picture before passing judgment.”   How often do we truly get the opportunity to see the whole picture of our students’ lives?  How often do you take their lives outside of school into perspective before retaliating against their poor behavior?  Please don’t mistake me here; I believe whole-heartedly that students need to be disciplined.  Disciplined, not punished.  Perhaps this is where we need to take a step out of our busy days and attempt to understand where our students are coming from. 

Patience will not come naturally.  Often times when you are praying for patience, that is when your patience is most tested.  For those of you who have accepted Christ, remember that we already have His patience inside us.  Patience is a fruit of the Spirit—tap into it! 

This Week’s Dare

 

The way we treat our students and the things we say may very well be a reflection of the condition of our heart.  For the next week, resolve to practice patience with your students.  I know this may be very hard for some, so more than anything check what you SAY to your students.  What’s the rule we always teach them?  If you can’t say anything nice… don’t say anything at all!

Praying that God will bless us all with patience. 

Please share ways you are practicing patience with your students.  How did you handle specific situations where you would typically lash out?  Remember, it may be a while before you see changes in your students—so start the change with yourself. 


Kendrick, S, & Kendrick, A. (2008). The Love Dare. Nashville: B & H Publishing Group.