Sunday, October 31, 2010

Dare 8: Love is Not Jealous

Dare 8: Love is Not Jealous


"Jealousy is one of the strongest drives known to man.  It comes from the root word for zeal and means 'to burn with an intense fire.'  The Scripture pointedly says, 'Wrath is fierce and anger is a flood, but who can stand before jealousy?' (Proverbs 27:4)"

To clear up a misconception of God and jealousy first it is important to recognize that there are two forms of jealousy: a legitimate jealousy and an illegitimate jealousy.  When scripture speaks of God being a jealous God it is referring to the legitimate jealousy which means that God is longing for us, desiring that we keep Him as our first love.  

Unfortunately, the jealousy that we struggle with is typically the illegitimate time.  It is very clearly in opposition to love.  It is rooted in selfishness.  "This is to be jealous of someone, to be 'moved with envy.'"  

This week's dare will focus a little more on our relations with our coworkers.  While I'm sure it is possible to become jealous of our students, I imagine that jealousy of our coworkers is a far bigger issue.  Jealousy happens when someone else has something, or gets something, that you want.  Instead of feeling happy for them, you get angry. It's so important to harness that anger and let love win out.  If that doesn't happen, that jealousy can take a deep root in your heart.  The book of James says that envy leads to fighting, quarreling, and every evil thing (James 3:16, 4:1-2).      


I'm going to avoid providing examples here for the sake of protecting my coworkers.   I know that I could provide plenty of examples of myself, but if any of my coworkers are reading this, I don't want anyone to feel as though I'm pointing our their "failures" as well... I'm sure if we take a step back it will be easy to become aware of where jealousy has seeped into our relationships at work--whether it be work related or life related.  


"Because love is not selfish and puts others first, it refuses to let jealousy in.... It is time to let love, humility, and gratefulness destroy any jealousy that springs up in your heart."     


This Week's Dare


Determine to become your coworkers, and your students, biggest fans.  Reject any thoughts of jealousy.  Last week I asked that you make a list of the positive and negative things about some of your students.  This is where you will throw out the negative list--a way of showing you are ready to only look at the good in people.  Share with your coworkers and students your encouragement about successes they are encountering. 
What are some positive experiences you can celebrate in the life of your coworkers and students?   How can you encourage them toward future successes?  


Sidenote: Sometimes I look back on a week and wonder how well I have actually done with that week's particular dare.  It is easy to get caught up in the business of the day and forget to focus on one thing in particular.  What I'm trying to say is, don't get to caught up in the particulars.  The goal of this is to love our students better.  If you are striving to love your students (and coworkers, and family, etc.) then you're striving in toward the right goal.  I hope God is showing you new ways to love and is placing people in your lives that show you His love.  

Monday, October 25, 2010

Dare 7: Love Believes the Best

...Love believes all things, hopes all things...1 Corinthians 13:7

Dare 7: Love Believes the Best 

It can be very easy to become discouraged by our students' "failures."  At points it may be hard to remember that inside our students is something good.  Maybe its the desire to learn, or maybe the ability to be kind, or the desire to be good. 
We can  create excuses for them or possibly give up on them. And in the process we add to what the Love Dare refers to as the "Depreciation Room."  It is full of weaknesses and failures of students.  It can house very hateful thoughts or feelings toward students and make a teacher ready to fire when that student "fails" again.  

Luckily, there is also an "Appreciation Room."  This is where we keep all of the successes of our students.  All things true and good about our students... ALL of our students, not just the ones who are easy to appreciate.  

The items in both rooms may be true for the student, but it is important to focus on the Appreciation Room.  Love lives in the Appreciation Room.  Love chooses to believe the best in people.  To give them the benefit of the doubt.  And when our students fail us, love chooses to move forward to agree to focus on the good.  

"It is time to let love lead your thoughts and your focus.  The only reason you should glance in the door of the Depreciation Room is to know how to pray for your [students].  And the only reason you should ever go in this room is to write "COVERED IN LOVE" in huge letters across the walls."  


It is SO important to develop the habit of throwing away your negative thoughts and focusing only on the positive ones.  I know that in the process of the day, this can feel very difficult.  I've experienced some very, very unlovable kids... and I know I definitely haven't always done my best in my attempts to love them.  But they still deserve love. 


This Week's Dare


For this week's dare, get two sheets of paper.  It would be great if you could do this dare for each of your students, but I realize that is not always possible.  So, if it isn't possible in your world, choose a few of the hardest to love students.  On the first sheet of paper, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about the student.  Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet.  Place both sheets in a secret (and secure!) place for another day.  There's a different purpose and plan for each.  At some point throughout the remainder of the week, pick one positive attribute and thank your students for having this characteristic.  



I hope you all are doing well.  My apologies for not getting this dare up sooner.  Life happens. :) Praying for you and hoping your week goes smoothly.  



Sunday, October 17, 2010

Bye Week... kinda...

Hello all!  I will not be posting a new dare this week for a couple reasons.  The initial reason being that this is only a three day week for me.   We have parent teacher conferences on Thursday all day and no school on Friday.   
I have also felt like I need a little time to reflect on what it is that I'm wanting to happen by practicing the Love Dare on my students.  I know for sure that I'm not doing a great job at all of the dares that I'm offering up every week.  I have many moments of slip ups and sometimes feel slightly overwhelmed that I'm truly called to LOVE everyone... which includes each and every one one of my 65 students.  Some days this feels like a daunting task.  


So, this morning at church, God was softly reminding me of the reasons behind his calling for me to start the Love Dare journey....  


I'm a little pressed for time at the moment, so I'm just going to hit the highlights of what was said this morning.  If you care to listen to the entire sermon (which I highly suggest, our pastor does an amazing job of speaking the absolute truth of God's word, even over tough topics)  you can go to www.freshwaterbolivar.com and podcasts from all of the sermons are under the media tab.  


Ephesians 4
 1 Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. 2 Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. 3 Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. 4 For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future. 5 There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 and one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all.

- LEAD A LIFE WORTHY OF YOUR CALLING... 
- HUMILITY-- The only way to not become prideful is to be completely focused on the gospel.  And if you think you are being humble by not thinking highly of yourself (ie, bad self esteem, thinking you should/could be better at something) then you are still acting out of pride, only in reverse.   
       - The biggest problems in our relationships typically come from a root of pride.  We think we deserve to be treated a certain way or deserve the best opportunities, when in reality, the only thing we DESERVE is Hell... everything else is just a blessing.  So remember.... We are nothing, God is everything.  
- GENTLENESS--- Which is humbleness acted out. 
- PATIENCE--- take a look back at the first dare.  
- BEARING WITH ONE ANOTHER IN LOVE--Bearing means we PUT UP WITH THEM. 

- If you are avoiding those that have different personalities than you... the people that you really just have a hard time getting along with... so you don't have to deal with them... then you have some massive pride issues. 

- When others see the way we treat each other they should step back and say "I can't believe it" 

- The scripture says we are "eager to MAINTAIN unity"  ... we already have the unity (as a body of Christ--because Christ is our ONE great Love), we don't have to build that unity... we just have to maintain it.... 

 So our pastor's challenge to us this week was to revisit the gospel every day.  Ask yourself, What has Christ done for me?  And if I'm called to love as Christ has loved, then what can I do for others?  Then repent and recommit.  

I'm in the process of trying to wrap my mind around all of this.  This particular passage was directed toward acting this way toward the body of believers... obviously not all of our students,  coworkers, etc. fall into that category... but I know that we're still called to love them the same...

Anyway, I think this week, for me at least, needs to be a week of reflection.  

I'm sure a lot of you are doing conferences this week.  I will be praying those go well for you!  And thanks to those of you who have committed to join me on this journey this year.  It feels good to know I'm not in this alone.  

God Bless!   



So, I realize this isn't what this blog is about, but I figure teacher-teacher you all will understand :)  I have a project up on donorschoose right now that really needs funding.  If you donate before October 18 *tomorrow* the donation is matched... so if you give $5 the project will receive $10.  Here's my site: http://www.donorschoose.org/mrsbarnoskie

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Dare 6: Love is not Irritable

Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city. ~ Proverbs 16:32

Dare 6: Love is not Irritable

We have reached the point in the school year where being irritable almost becomes acceptable to teachers.  We are almost through the first quarter, it has been a while since we've had a break, and quite frankly, we're getting a little worn down by our students.  I realized the other day that this has become acceptable when a coworker complained in passing about needing a break, and without thinking I responded in the same manner.  I didn't offer any positive encouragement; I didn't stop to think about my words.  When I walked away I was a little put-off with myself.  When had I become so irritable about being at work?

The Love Dare suggests that there are two main reasons that people become irritable: stress and selfishness.

Stress.  End of the quarter.  Grades are due.  Parent teacher conferences.  And I don't know about the rest of you, but our school is really stepping forward and making some much needed changes;  this is definitely a good thing, but it also leads to a good amount of stress.  Not to mention all the other stress life may be throwing your way.   But lets face it, when we are stressed, the easiest mood to revert to is irritable.  
Luckily, the Bible offers wisdom on helping us to avoid stress.  
- Let love guide our relationships.   Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.~ Colossians 3:12-14
- Pray about our anxieties. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:6-7
- Delegate when you are overworked. This one is particularly hard for me to do at work, but it is so very important.  ( Exodus 18:17-23 )

All of these, as well as taking a "sabbath" every week.  Make sure you have a day when school is not part of your day.  I know I'm horrible about this, but I always feel better when I have one day of the weekend that is completely school-free.  
And the second part: selfishness.  "Being easily angered is an indicator that a hidden area of selfishness or insecurity is present where love is supposed to rule."  

This Week's Dare  

Choose to react to tough circumstances with your students in loving ways instead of becoming irritable.  Also, take some time to recognize where you should be adding in margin to your schedule. Planned time away from the stress of work can only be a good thing :) 

And hang in there!  When you catch yourself being irritable with a student, don't beat yourself up, just resolve that the next time you will handle the situation better. 

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Dare 5: Love is not Rude

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful... 
~1 Corinthians 13: 4-5

Dare 5: Love is not Rude

"Nothing irritates others as quickly as being rude. Rudeness is unnecessarily saying or doing things that are unpleasant for another person to be around.  To be rude is to act unbecoming, embarrassing, or irritating." 

I don't know about the rest of you, but I teach 7th grade.  Translate that to I am constantly surrounded by all that is rudeness.  It is SO easy for me to respond rudely.
When I get frustrated by a rude student and respond in a similar manner, I am only letting them know that somehow I believe that their behavior is acceptable, and possibly even expected.   I think this is one of my biggest failures at being a good role model for my students.  Not that I am horribly rude to them, but I know they see me react in snide ways.  I sure hope when I have kids that they don't have teachers modeling that behavior to them.
"There are two main reasons why people are rude: ignorance and selfishness."  
I sure hope neither of those qualities speak of who I am or who I am perceived to be.
Here are three questions (adapted) the book offers to test yourself:
- How do your students feel about the way you speak and act toward them?
- How does your behavior affect your students' sense of worth and self-esteem?
- Would your students say you are a blessing, or that you are condescending and embarrassing?

If you are thinking of other teachers who may act this way, please remember to check yourself as well.  Often times if we are quick to label others in their faults, we have a much bigger issue to be dealing with ourselves.  "Your likely suffering from a bad case of ignorance, with a secondary condition of selfishness."  

The book also offers some guidelines to practicing etiquette:
-Guard the Golden Rule.  Treat your students the way you want to be treated (or the way you would like them to treat other students) 
- No double standards.  Be as considerate to one student as you are to another.

This Week's Dare

This dare will be in two parts.  First, find a time throughout the week to hold a class meeting and discuss some qualities they really like in teachers.  Obviously, you will have to be careful with this discussion and offer guidelines for what is appropriate to say, etc.  Next, take a look at your own teaching.  Evaluate if there is anything you do as a teacher that could be irritating or embarrassing to your students. 
What do you notice about your behavior?  What do you plan to do to improve these areas? 

Kendrick, S, & Kendrick, A. (2008). The Love Dare. Nashville: B & H Publishing Group.   


Another side note... Please remember that although it is important to pour love out on our students... your highest calling to love goes to God and your spouse.